Why women were born to surf.And have babies

I recently caught up with a pretty special lady that I met through a mutual friend out in the surf. We each shared our vastly different experiences coming back from Indo trips over the years. Let’s just say her Bali belly was of a different nature to that of a non-refrigerated plate of nasi goreng.  In fact, she’s the only women I’ve met where I’ve recognized the striking connection between surfing and childbirth. I was rather intrigued by her sophisticated transition from a lady surfer to a baby’s mamma. As we sat over lattes at her local beachside café, she gracefully caressed her now six-month old, revealing her lavish smile as she retells the most defining chapter of her life.  

And that’s where it struck me. We jokingly made mention of our cupcake baking besties and their direct experiences of childbirth, and how they differed from those that she knew as surfers. The environment is more of a rough, testosterone filled line-up, where your cute bikini doesn’t mean much in the often dog-eat-dog habitat. And no I’m not talking about the dance of male pursuing female, although I now see it reads alike. I’m actually referring to all the risk factors of surfing, and how it’s a few notches above a mild burn, off a torn oven mitt pulling out that tray of freshly baked cupcakes.

She distinctly remembers hyperventilating on her hospital bed as the nurses attemptedhealthy living to relieve her immense pain with a gas mask. Through belts of laughter, she explained how she ran for the hospital door, ripping out all of her monitors, screaming ‘I can’t do this! I’m leaving!’ as the nurses ran after her.

After realising there wasn’t any going back, and the birth was in fact happening, like right now, she managed to calm her mind, and in turn her pain, from a very different source. One that’s not available in your regular hospital medical cabinets.  She vividly sketched the surface of a calm ocean surface in her mind, breathing deep as she remembered the silky feeling of a summer’s sea caressing her arms and fingertips, as she carelessly paddled through the line-up.

In describing surfing, she explained the all too familiar burning sensation of shoulders and arms, as you desperately desire that one perfect wave. The lifetime of deep fin slashes, bruises, burning reef cuts, jelly fish stings, infections and all other aspects of surfing that seem to add a coat of armour, to what could have been a life baking cupcakes. Not that we hold anything against our cupcake baking queens.

She was of the firm view that women who surf have a higher pain threshold. But I think32204_400218545167_814411_n it’s much deeper than a physical element. Mentally we hold those magical moments out in the ocean in the forefront of our mind. Often drifting off into daydream, far away from our current reality. And I know how much of a lulling effect that has upon flashback. I think the power of the ocean continues to live within, no matter how long it’s been since your last session.

I’m sure there’s that special kinship of once developing in the wound of salty fluid yourself, and that connection to the salt water as a surfer. Something I’m yet to describe in words. As for surfing with a young baby, constantly craving mum’s presence, I’ve never seen a girl so excited to get out into the surf at any given opportunity. It just makes me smile so big. But she just knew in her heart when she was ready. That pivotal moment when she realised there was something bigger to life than just surfing. As for the link between surfing and pregnancy; does it make us invincible? As much as we like to think that, I’m sure nothing will compare to the pain and challenge, we’re just equipped with a certain set of coping mechanisms, that are as unique as our salted gills, absent in our non-aquarian counterparts.

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The Progression of Gratitude

Spiritual junkies will tell you that gratitude is one of the key foundations to ultimate enlightenment.  And I’m not judging them because I’m a junkie too. But what happens on those days where everything just seems to fall apart, and all of what your life is made of is seemingly crumbling before your eyes? Well you’ve simply found yourself out of alignment from where you’re supposed to be. Practicing gratitude by starting in a place that feels good, will provide a little bit of fuel to break out of your bad energy, and back into alignment with that best version of yourself.  

I don’t see any point in practicing fake gratitude. Sometimes you’re not even conscious that you’re doing it, but when you realise you are, you find it as counterproductive as no 65169_10151137360180168_400812489_ngratitude at all. “I love my job, I love my guy, I love my dog”, won’t get you anywhere if your boss keeps throwing overtime at you, your partner is finding all your triggers to frustration and your dog just pooped on the lounge room floor. The universe will simply align you with more of your dominant vibration, when your words don’t match how you feel at heart. In other words, you’ll get more of the same stuff that’s got you stuck in that point of frustration in the first place.

The universe does not care for the words you mutter; they will simply fall on deaf ears as it only cares for the energy that you vibrate.  

You want to perhaps imagine a life without your job or guy or dog. What would that picture look like? Sure you had to clean up that smelly poop from the floor, but what about when she gives you the saddest puppy dog eyes you ever saw, as you leave the house for work. Where you can see nothing but love in her eyes, and happiness in her wagging tail, when you return home from a long day in the office. Nobody said that gratitude can’t be broken down into smaller bite-size pieces. Just as many jigsaw pieces make up a finished puzzle, so too are many elements involved with each person, object or situation. It all comes down to your point of focus.

As long as you keep the bigger picture in mind. I always understood gratitude to be the cheekythought of blowing the gifts, the love, the connections, the positive circumstances and the miracles in life, so far out of proportion that it ignites an incredible wave of new energy that just overrides life’s nuances. Gratitude has a magical way of pushing away negative aspects of life from your mind. Because you know all too well how easy it is to make a mountain out of a molehill. You just have to choose what hill you want to build higher.

Practicing gratitude takes time and practice to truly nail it. To allow your vibration to match your inner muttered words about how incredible your life is, and everyone and everything that’s in it. As soon as the words and vibrations match- that’s when the magic starts to unfold.

Slaying dragons- The toxic characters of our lives

It can naturally be very easy for us to hold grudges about past relationships that have turned sour. The realisation that the person you loved so dearly, was capable of unforgivable acts can be a painful pill to swallow. And one that I’m sure we all have the joy of experiencing. At least once in this lifetime. However, with forgiveness and time, comes a much deeper understanding as to why they crossed your path, even if they left an initial trail of destruction.

Recently I wrote about a two month trip in French Polynesia (here). It was a time where I shrewdly ignored many red flags, which ultimately exposed me to some much bigger dangers. A time where my heart wasn’t ready to be handed over, but I did so anyway.

I found myself encountering some unsavoury characters, while based on a very remote island somewhere in the middle of nowhere.  Unfortunately, one of those characters had hijacked a piece of my heart, which bit by bit I took back rightful possession of. Right before abandoning him somewhere in the archipelago.

I learnt a lot about the law of attraction. Where bad guys attract, well, even badder guys. I also learnt that while paradises can exist before your eyes, living nightmares can french polynesiaco-exist in that very same space.

When these people come into your life, it can be a mind numbing experience attempting to find any feasible explanation of a reason why. Why you deserved the treatment. When you know you’re a good person that innocently just wants to find love.

It can’t be that hard can it?’ and ‘why me?’ can be the beginning of a series of very dangerous thought patterns that invoke victimhood. A pattern that needs to be avoided at all costs.

Why did I meet them? I learnt the hard way not to look for answers immediately, but rather to trust that an eventual realisation will come my way. Perhaps months, if not years down the track. In the meantime, you need to take advantage of an important period where you can give yourself the love that others cannot.

My big realisation came about after a certain area of my mind was tickled, while writing65169_10151137360180168_400812489_n the above article about my time in French Polynesia.

without my involvement in a particular surf project, my dreams to travel to this part of the world, would continue to remain unfulfilled.”

It was the first time I ever really appreciated that crossing of paths. Any negative emotions that had been lying dormant, towards that particular person, was replaced with a feeling of gratitude. And it seemed to fit much more nicely with my spirit. While the dormant emotions did not pass my thoughts for a very long time, it was still a part of my heart that needed to be cleared.

And then today another realisation washed over me.

If I never had met him, I never would be spilling these words onto this page for you to read”.

Because I would never experience what it’s like to work on my writing business from anywhere in the world. That business idea wasn’t even a possibility in my mind until he mentioned it while we were together.

My experience would be dubbed a ‘light bulb moment’ but I think we need to extract every element of cliché about it, for these thoughts hold a lot of power. I couldn’t shake my spine-tingly moment even if I tried. And the timeline for that realisation I had today? Almost two years in the making.

These are the realisations that have the potential to shape the most vibrant futures, where dreams can be fulfilled in their entirety. These moments are not mediocre events. In the end it is the destroyer of hearts that must face their own darkness.

Thinking about surfing French Polynesia? Think again.

Being in a tumultuous relationship is not one way I would recommend spending time in paradise. Especially a two month trip. I would have loved to have done this adventure solo however, without my involvement in a particular surf project, my dreams to travel to this part of the world, would continue to remain unfulfilled.map_ga-tahiti

Traveling for a surf project

I quit my job rather suddenly (and not the 1st time) to pack up and head to the islands for what was a surf project I worked very tirelessly on.

To cut a long story short, I had applied for a role working with a ‘company’ teaching local surfers in remote islands how to shape timber surfboards in their own back yard.

Given lack of money, access to fibreglass boards and ding repair, it seemed like a perfect scenario and one that was relatively unchartered by Westerners at the time. The discovery of surfing by troubled youths living in remote islands would be a life-changer.

Somewhere along the way, I fell for the guy behind the movement. Things quickly progressed into a relationship. By quickly I mean by rocket-ship type proportions. 

We discussed project launches in PNG where he originated from. Solomon Islands was also a heavy polynesiacontender. But in the end, my ultimate dream destination won hands down.

There were many red flags along the way, but I was committed to the project and to French Polynesia come hell or high water.

This would be my first planned trip away with another man, rather than flying solo.

Little did I know, I would be leaving him on a remote island somewhere in the archipelago.  

The beautyFrench Polynesia

The trip was nearly two years ago, yet I still find it quite hard to put into words just how spectacular French Polynesia is.

Ribs of jagged coral reef in rainbow spectrums meet turquoise blue waters, contrasted by deep channels of dark purple waters. Unexplored lush green islands appear sporadically with unmissable volcanic mountaintops rising from the ocean.

Tahiti Nui

Flying into the capital Papeete is an experience rich in culture, big smiles, seafood, cruise ships and lively markets. Not to mention spectacular island backdrops. I only had one thing in mind, and that was to touch down at Teahupoʻo, a dream I’ve wanted to fulfilltahiti since I first learnt to surf.

My ex however had other ideas, with zero interest in helping me reach that very spot by rental car. Instead he erupted into an endless tangent about how commercialism is killing the soul of surfing. Red flag number 248.

The village of Teahupoʻo was a lot further from the capital than I expected, around an hour’s drive to the south-west coast. Oh, yes I had won the uphill battle to make it there. The drive is littered with fruit stalls, care-free kids, lush mountains, valleys and creeks and no shortage of black sand beach breaks.

The swell was small but I was so stoked to arrive at the dead-end street and stand at the foot of the infamous Teahupoʻo sign, that I’d seen in some of the best surf movies  growing up. The energy of the village is pretty special. It’s just raw.

I could only imagine what it would be like when the swell is 20ft with guys towing in. I’d still love to return to sit in a boat in the channel, watching fearless locals drop down the faces of monsters.

Island hopping

While I’d love to tell you where we next flew to for the two months that followed, I simply can’t. But I can fill you in on what one might experience if they choose to visit.

My ex had explored this particular island for a couple of tahitimonths prior, which allowed him to get to know the locals, the waves and ideas of where our shack could be based for the project.

And of course to skip out on some expensive nightly rates. I’m sure our experience would have been vastly different had he not worked to carve the path ahead.

I’d never before witnessed the type of waves that we would soon discover. The shack was set up in a small bay, caressed by the most perfect grinding right hander I’d ever seen. On the other side, an equally as perfect left hander. I’d heard that professional guys had died on the right before.

Luckily it wasn’t the season for it and I was quite happy I had missed it. The wave however continued to run relentlessly perfect spitting barrels. It was just too shallow.

The locals

I’d done my research. It wasn’t pretty. But I was confident in the captain that was leading me into the project and didn’t feel I had anything to worry about.

The lineup

The level of respect in the lineup here is next level. The waves are an epitometahiti of perfection, depending of course on your level of surfing.

Whichever way you look at it, the locals make sure to strongly protect their ground.

I noticed there was no such thing as crowds.

Taking your camera

If you think you’re going in with a camera to shoot the waves, from land or from sea, you’ll quickly end up on the wrong side of any local. I heard many stories of cameras being carelessly ripped from visiting surfer’s hands and tossed into the ocean.

Along with violence.

The Red Bull team visited a nearby island on a big swell and it wasn’t a good ending.

Surfing in groups

You’re not going to just paddle out and start taking waves without first approaching and acknowledging each local in the water. There’s barely any lineup in the world left with this level of respect. Enough to leave you speechless. Tattoos. Bisects. Some big humans.

You just do it. But paddle out with more than two of your mates (especially two males) and you’ll be sent in. I know of one local who brags about the amount of blow-ins he’s knocked out in a day.

Each lineup is continually patrolled by locals with binoculars on hillside shacks, ready to call out boats if any trouble is spotted.  Be prepared to paddle. Some breaks sit 1KM offshore and include some brutal currents and bone crushing sections over dry reef to leave you out of breath

Other efforts to fit in

Refuse to take up an offer to drink tequila shots at the bar when it’s one of the guy’s polynesiabirthdays, well you’ll probably lose some respect too.

And they know how to drink.

Try too hard to fit in without invites, you’re likely to be sniffed out pretty quick and asked to leave the island.

Nine out of ten locals you have nothing to worry about, but there certainly are some that will take it to the extremes. 

The level of surfing

Some of the waves had me on the edge of crying with fear. I wrote about one particular session here.

Would I recommend solo travel for a female surfer?

The island is full of 360 degree views of every colour spectrum of flowers and tropical fruit you can imagine. It is a rich ground for deep sea pearls and sacred blue-eyed eels. It truly is something you could imagine out of a dream.

My experience however, was not without being woken from an afternoon nap, with death threats dished out to my ex, simply for making one silly mistake. The relationship turned into a brutal mess and in the end, I decided it was not a place for me to stay and once again departed solo. Narrowly missing out on a wedding proposal but perhaps that’s a story for another time.

Would I recommend another girl to travel here solo? Papeete and Tahiti waves yes. Outer islands I would suggest bringing a guy that has experience with locals of smaller islands, unless you have contacts in the area. Oh, and your surfing needs to be at a pretty high level.

The Art of Forgiveness

As long as you cannot forgive, you have others permanently anchored in your heart. A lot of the feelings associated with the lack of forgiveness are hate, regret, grief and anger. How could you possibly open up in intimate relationships when you are weighed down by these toxic egoic emotions? The answer is you cannot severe that attachment until you have forgiven, regardless of how terrible the sin is that another human has placed on you. How many people of your past still have attachments in your own heart? The lesson of forgiveness serves as one of life’s greatest challenges but until you master it, I believe you will always be handed negative situations until you realise what it is you need to do to 32204_400218545167_814411_nunlock the flow of love.

It’s not possible to love for as long as hate remains in your heart. It’s the same as trying to surf when you’re angry- your energy is tainted, you have no flow with the wave and you’re totally out of tune with what’s going on. Beneath the superficial surface of society, we’re all just energy. Moving into new relationships with tainted and unprocessed energy is a sure fire way to reach disaster.

Any bad events, words and circumstances that were said or occurred are in the past and unchangeable. It is the truth of the matter. Therefore why spend valuable energy caught up in the negative emotions of these aspects of the now ended relationship? Instead focus on the aspects of that relationship that touched on your heart and made you grow into a better person. Remember that saying that your grandma loves to use “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. Memorise that warm feeling of love and the happiness that it brought to you, forgive the rest and move on.

As humans we are all imperfect. Sometimes we think we know someone but we don’t. Take reassurance that any bad intentions or actions carry heavy karmic consequences and 1913986_153381815167_40687_n.jpgknow that that person will be appropriately punished in this aspect. Don’t get caught up in games of revenge it’s going to hurt you more than you care to imagine. Instead redirect that energy into healing yourself and severing your ties to the past. Your goal is to be the best version of yourself you are here to be. The first step is to quiet your mind- meditate or practice yoga until you calm down all the emotional turmoil in your mind. You cannot make progress amidst an emotional storm- this is often why we ask those closest to us for advice in times of trouble, for they don’t have the thick blanket of emotional cloud blocking their train of thought. It’s often the heart we need to listen to to guide us, but the rational mind that gets in the way. Practice listening to your gut feeling or instinct as it never lies. Again you cannot hear its whispers until you have quietened the mind. Your instinct can lead you through doors you never knew existed. You’re the captain of your own ship. When you’re ready- put that sail up and continue your journey to happiness.